august dedication
i probably won't remember you
august has always felt like shedding skin. a juxtaposition.
crisp air creeps in on random wednesday mornings and then the heat reminds us to stay patient. the leaves slowly sway down to the ground that is often still too hot to walk without shoes.
experiencing the asynchronicity of change in real time is such a weird thing, and august makes that known to us — because in the familiarity of the day to day we forget that grand change exists and when it’s recognized it hits us like unexpected news.
all i’ve come to learn is this:
august is a blur, almost ungraspable, even though its change is obvious to anyone with eyes.
and perhaps the juxtaposing experience of august is a metaphor for the fact that not grasping change around us may be due to the inability to grasp change within us.
and so acceptance swoops in and saves the day.
it’s when you come to terms with the fact that some days you’ll burn your dinner and it’ll be a little harder to breathe at the gym. some days your to do list feels like a scroll and then you’ll cry because the laundry won’t end but you could have sworn you’ve finished a load just as big before and you wonder why it suddenly feels so taxing.
to survive the micro-season that is august, i feel, we must find ways to sit with good company and drink our coffee made by someone else for once, to munch on waffle fries on the way to a wedding to midigate the nerves, and to wake up before the rest of the world only to see how quiet it all is when no one is watching.
and as the leaves begin to droop, you realize summer isn’t so invincible after all, and that neither are you, and that’s okay.
Okay so later ended up being immediately after.
Also, what's with the velvety prose? Like seriously? So uncalled for at 8pm while I'm sitting in the basement on the treadmill which has cushions on it obv cuz how else are you gonna sit comfortably on a treadmill. But I love it! Really awesome read.
I still kinda don't get the inner/outer change thing, but I get the overall message. Life's weird sometimes, and it can change without us noticing the change. And it's okay if you miss it and then get slapped with snow cuz now all of a sudden it's winter. Sometimes you miss things.
Or maybe you were trying to say something else. I don't know. I blame the red vacuum set by my mom in the middle of the basement for distracting me. I guess I should go vacuum now. Dust accumulates on the carpet much like how summer turns to fall. And then one day you suddenly notice how dusty the carpet's gotten and how much beard hair's on the floor. Such is life.
I’m so ready for fall and winter and colder days (not so cold you don’t feel your toes) and hot chocolate and long nights 😩